I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
