he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
