we're chasing vodka with high fives
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
