I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
