Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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