OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
