Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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