Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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