You just made me feel so damn special
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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