i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
