It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
