not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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