I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
