You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
