True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
