party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
