u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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