things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
is that a dick in a sweater?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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