my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
