How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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