Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I met the friendliest cop last night
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
