I just pynch a tree in the face
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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