My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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