sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
