If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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