Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
