Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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