it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
