Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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