This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
