i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
