They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
