I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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