i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I need a beard to bite.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
