so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
