Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
