I feel great
I just peed on a car
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
