You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The air was thick with penises
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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