Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just high enough for therapy.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
