i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
