Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
