I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
