So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
