It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
