woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
