I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
