I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
