Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is the high leading the old right now
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
