I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
