I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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