Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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