I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
