nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
