my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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