Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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