if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
