k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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