I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
