I wish I could punch you in the face.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
