Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i think my mom watched the whole time
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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