My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He passed out mid-signature
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
