So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
