is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize