I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Can I color on your dick again?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
