Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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