Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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