I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Vodka?
Forever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
