She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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