We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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